I’m told it’s a virtue.

That’s what Prudentius said anyway.  In the Psychomachia.  In the 4th century CE.

I am very patient most of the time.

I routinely wait, without much effort, for results, feedback, holidays, tardy friends and etc.  Especially the tardy friends.  I am habitually early for things (it’s an illness) and I am friends with a disproportionate number of people who are habitually late (also an illness) so I spend a whole lot of time waiting for people to show up.

I’m okay with that.  I almost always have a book on me so the time is generally well spent.  No point in stressing about a personality quirk in a good friend (THEY are the ones with the quirk, never me).

Unless the lateness makes US late for something else.  That I have a problem with.  I CAN control my behaviour, and I hatehatehate being late for commitments.

Really, the only times I get truly impatient is when I am trying to do something fiddly and it’s not working out, I can’t find something I’m looking for despite the fact that I know FOR SURE that I put it right there the last time I used it, and, most of all, when I am waiting for something to happen.  Something that I’ve been told will happen, but that is taking its sweet sweet time.

Crazy-making.

It’s probably symptomatic of some outrageous level of control-freakdom.

Whatev.

If you tell me to anticipate something, I do.  Anticipate it.  Often with increasing anxiety when it doesn’t show up according to a reasonable (as decided by me, of course) time frame.

Situations when I’m told to look for further information or follow-up ‘in the next few days’, or ‘early next week’, or ‘before the end of the month’ make me nutso with the waiting.

Lack of specificity is my nemesis in the waiting game.

All this technology and access to various forms of communication serve to make it waaaaaay worse.  Although I am not normally one who has to be constantly logged in (I can generally forget my phone at home and be fine with that, or turn the computer off for days at a time without jonesin’), when I’m waiting for something, I start to obsessively check my email.

All.  The.  Time.

And if a subject line in the Inbox catches my eye that looks like it might be what I’m waiting for, something wacky happens to my breathing and I get all tense and jittery.  And then, when the email isn’t what I was looking for, I sign out and try to focus on something (anything) else, but really just go back to checking every 4 minutes or so.

Ack.

I could never be an apocalyptic.

Seriously.

In order to buy into an apocalyptic worldview I’d have to (among other crazy things) resign myself to the fact that the end, or the return, or the justification, or the final battle is going to happen maybe sometime.

How near, exactly?  No, really.  HOW FREAKIN’ NEAR?!?

I’d be a nervous wreck after a week.

That new era?  Second Coming?  Final Judgement?  Ascension of the Antichrist?  Extraterrestrials showing up to take us to another planet?

WHEN.  IS.  IT.  GOING.  TO.  HAPPEN.  WHEN?!

If it’s not something I can put down on my calendar as definitely coming on January 22, 2014, then I don’t want to even know about it.  And don’t just tell me it’s going to happen on January 22, 2014.  You’d best be showing me solid proof that it’s all going to go down then.

And none of this 24-hour cancellation policy stuff either.  If it doesn’t happen then you’re going to have to pay me for the missed appointment.  I am a Doctor (okay, of Philosophy.  But still).  I should be able to charge for missed appointments like dentists and physicians.  Especially since not showing up to end the world/era/whatev is far more serious than missing a cleaning appointment.

Isn’t it?

ISN’T IT?!

Oh, another thing about me and waiting?

When I’m nervously anticipating stuff I have a tendency to procrastinate.

Not that I’m doing that right now or anything.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s